Thursday, July 06, 2006

Heard the Latest Gossip?

As you would have guessed, my weekdays in office are so boring that I have resorted to blogging as a means of dusting the cobwebs fast gathering in my mind. Needless to say, on such boring days, nothing way too interesting was going to happen.

(expectant silence.......)

No ppl, if you were expecting I would dish out some amazing thing thats happended of late, then I am sorry to disappoint. So I shall describe a recent treat that I went to last weekend.


First the backdrop. An un-named batchmate at IIMB (lets say A), notorious for his secrecy, invited us to a party on a grand scale (70+ invitees no less!!). In the absence of reliable rumour-mongers after graduating from college, it was left to us noble souls to assume there was some "dal cooking" going on behind the scenes.

Theory 1: He's got promoted. What better way to show-off
Theory 2: First Bill Gates, then Warren Buffet, now A has been bitten by the philanthropy bug. Since Bill Gates didnt pick up his phone, he decided to provide free diet supplements (read as kebabs, smirnoff,.... you get the general idea) to third-world youngsters.
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....
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Theory N-1: He's gotten married secretly and this is his way of announcing it to the world (as we weren't invited to the marriage ..... grrrr)
Theory N: Maybe he's just gotten engaged and so this is a prelude to Theory N!

After a lot of soul-scratching and head-searching, we had to abandon all options except 1 and N with a rather dull brain.


The uncertainty allowed us to be real cheapskates and reach the venue not knowing what to expect. Stage was set for a myriad possibilities and glorious uncertainty. Lo and behold, we had the perfect anticlimax. The party was just that - a normal party, as A had been promising all along!!! We smiled awkwardly and grabbed our cell-phones the moment he was out of sight. We being dutiful grapevines, had casually "mentioned" our friend's engagement (what else could it have been..... huh) to all and sundry, and it was time to jettison the story before congratulatory calls started pouring in for our hapless host!!!


After a job well done, and a few sheepish apologies for ruining the perfect suspense thriller, we proceeded to make amends to the disastrous start to the party. My roomie, lets say W (name changed to protect identity), attacked the liquid supplements section with full gusto. Not to be left behind, I tried to salvage my pride and stake my claim to being wasted sooner. This continued unabated for an unknown stretch of time.

At this point, things become a bit hazy. The descriptions that follow range from intelligent guesses to scenes from "Trainspotted". We strongly suspect a foreign hand behind this particular twist in the tale. Whether this was indeed so, or alien intervention caused this, we shall probably never know. I know this information gap is hard on you guys, but we must focus on the positives. This is a time when we must close ranks and pray for a better tomorrow for our children.


Coming back to the party, it was pretty well-organized. There were the diet supplements on one side, large screen showing France and brazil battle it out on one side, and disco lights reminiscent of the UFO in "koi mil gaya" in between. Everything was in abundance at the party save the loos. Desperate times called for desperate measures and people started ventured outside the party venue to contemplate the raison d'etre of their existence while also relieving their burdens. However, most of them returned rather quickly which left me wondering if I had pressed an imaginary fast-forward button. When I was leaving, I noticed a rather stern looking army chap just outside scowling at purposeless youth such as yours truly, but that is probably of no relevance to the matter at hand. Suffice it to say, an operations guy would have been delighted with the utilization levels of the aforementioned "private room".

Yours truly was feeling really "good" and watched the football quarterfinal for some time until it became evident the screen had gone blank. A few good natured souls mournfully explained to me that the match was finished quite some time back. Then I duly proceeded towards the previously mentioned UFO and saw a flurry of arms and legs swooshing past dangerously closely a la "couching tiger hidden dragon". Having recently survived krissh, I let loose my latent "Indian superhero" powers in self-defence. I guess my idea of dancing was not yet in vogue (I have always been ahead of the times). So I duly "tch....tch.... ed" and left in protest.


How we got back home after that is a blur but we were soon sleeping like babies (read somewhere that this doesnt make too much sense as babies hardly sleep!!! ..... ask any number of new parents..... dunno how this started). We had to catch "Superman Returns" at 10 am the next morning. I will spare you the details but we managed to reach in time and boy was it fun. I guess superman was a little too "super" - an effect of our escapades the previous night!!!


Thats it for now folks. I shall get on with my weekly drudgery and hopefully return with "The adventures of Gogi: Chennai beckons" next time. It might have serious tones though but I will fill you in later. Adios Amigos and female Amigos

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Voodoo Black Magic (Cap)

India needs a strong focus on primary education, especially in India's rural heartland. This has been oft-said but seldom acted upon. Now is the time to remedy this before it is too late!

What prompted this outburst? A certain black cap which sings in a high pitched croaky (in some instances spooky!) tone that makes one feel like building a house for the sole purpose of jumping out of the choicest window. The macabre case where some villagers felt the "jhalak dikhlaaja.... aaja aaja ..." song was inviting un-invited spirits over is already part of folklore. If spirits can't stand it, do mere mortals like us stand a chance?

The continued attack on my sensibilities and on the English language kills off whatever high spirits I wake up with every morning. I am not a masochist, and to arguments that I could avoid it (you dont have to listen to it every morning!), I can only say "HOW?!". No channel is free of this menace and with a 80% chance of running into his song at any randon time you switch on the idiot box, the odds are not exactly stacked in my favour.

The torture shows no sign of abating! First if it was "Just chill....." which became an inexplicable runaway success in spite of the way they say chill which raised one's hackles (wherever they might be). Next came "Koi shakkk! Whats up..." at which point your intestines make you sharply aware of their existence. Before the dazed populace could recover came the triple whammy in the form of the dude-ly "24 X 7 I think of you...", "Love you unconditionally ....", and finally "Its not a one night stand. Love you miss you har lamha....!!!!!".

Someone please stop this massacre, or atleast explain to this madcap that "Its not a one night stand......" is hardly anyone's idea of a coochie-coo song. But what is more alarming is that this phenomenon is going from strength to strength. Imagine walking into village and meeting a kid who proudly proclaims his mastery of the English language and demonstrates saying "Koi shak? Whats up!" Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

Re-"farmer" Singhji, the farmers need not just roti, kapda, makaan, but zabaan too!!!! We implore you, stop this genocide of our minds before our conversations render into soulful renditions of gibberish!

Monday, July 03, 2006

Of Champions And Demi-Gods

Champions are a strange bunch. They are revered and despised in equal measure. Fans worhsip them and critics pan them. After proving one's mettle at the highest level, what is the next frontier?

Most current champions - Sachin, Federer, Tiger Woods, Zidane, Schumacher - have their name etched permanently in the record books. Some are still at the peak of their abilities, some answer increasingly vociferous critics with every impeccable performance.

When practically the world has written them off, these champions prove yet and again that form is temporary, class is permanent. Watching a Riquelme play is engrossing, but watching Zidane play is spell-binding. Watching Alonso win is worthy of applause, but watching Schumi silence shouts for his retirement with a majestic win at the Indy was worthy of an ovation! Being 1 second down going into the first pit stop, Schumi displayed downright brilliant driving entering the pitlane and the lap after the pitlane to emerge P1. Massa could only watch on awestruck as Schumi demonstrated how races are won. One commentator put it aptly when he said "Schumi is like a magician with pit stops - no one is certain exactly how he manages to do that!".

The best part of the race? After the race was won, Schumi celebrated alright, but the sight of him lofting Massa into the air following Massa's career-best showing was heart-warming. This was more befitting a champion of his stature than the sniggers of insecurity that he was often accused of last season. What seperates demi-gods from champions? one word - ATTITUDE. After Alonso stormed to a historic start to his formula1 title defense, Schumacher was typically bouyant. "There are 9 races to go. We are very much on track to win the chamionship" was his cheerful response. This was after a depressing showing in Montreal where the Ferrari was obviously not in the same league as the Renault.

This blog is a tribute to a true champion who transcends the bounds of sportsmen to the realm of the extra-ordinary. As I sign out, do check out the Ferrari pic and marvel at the majesty of the beast! It surely is a sight for sore eyes!

et tu?

Q. Why blogging?
A. Why not?!


Q. Not good enough!
A. Damn you to hell


Q. All right, all right. So what is the big idea anyway?
A. Now you're talking! So much for blogs beings an outlet for frustration, passion, dear diary, and the likes. Hypocricy aside, the truth of the matter is that blogs are just another attempt to showcase your "creativity" and mastery over the English language. And while you are at it, to tell the world that you are not just single, but looking too!

I will not blah-blah the usual mumjo-jumbo. Thats why the title - There aint no such thing as free lunches! By reading on, you agree that you are reading this blog at your own risk and after also being told in bold letters (no fine print arguments later!) that the point of this blog is pure and simple footage


Q. You just killed the blog already! RIP
A. You just wait and watch!